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BLOG1- Dear Julia

Dear Julia.

 I know we left things uncertain and bleak and just scattered across the void of space, things back then weren't perfect and they still are now, people still take advantage of me people still don't understand my love, But I need the love of someone who will understand me and feel me even if I don't make any sense at times and even if I hit a road block in my life. 

Dear Julia I know it's been a while now but I really miss you, and I regret the things I did to make you run away from my arms, and I'm sorry we haven't talked about it and I did not try to solve them, my heart still aches from the pain and the agony till this day and I still cry like a baby whenever I hear our favorite songs, I love you to the moon and back but I don't deserve you back. Most of the people who are the closest to me, makes me feel that I'm worthless and insignificant, they make me feel like I have never done anything good in my life, but I cant shout cause I am trapped inside of my mind.

I write alone in my room on many nights and different days, and most of time I feel like I'm going to burst in tears and sometimes I cry myself to sleep, I have an over flow of emotions I cannot express even on paper.

 My biggest strength and my biggest weakens were you Julia, most of the times I struggle when I talk to others, when you are not with me I have a battle with my mind and when you are laying your head on my chest while holding hands, all I think about is you, you were my rhythm and blues and my muse, whenever I heard your heart beats it felt like I was meditating, your heart rhythm is in tune with my soul.    

 Dear Julia I don't know where to start or how to end, my nights are long and my mornings are short, and my breath is starting to become shorter with every breath I take and every word I try to maintain, my soul just mutate at the end of every day, sometimes my own thoughts is trying to kill me and sometimes my heart rips me apart cause I have no love and I want for some magic to happen, sometimes I think I will die alone. 

 I am puzzled and confused and lost, I am always willing to give more than I take, most of the time I open an empty page and leave it empty with no words on it, cause I have no thoughts to jot them down and my soul is tired and I miss you❤︎.  
©

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