BLOG 20- Going through

Going through 

Lately I have been missing you and thinking about you
I have been praying but I am lost with out you
I want to hold you, kiss you, and look at you
I have been through so much shit and I felt calm around you 

It's hard to heal when you gave me a sense of purpose 

But now you are gone and they treat me like I am worthless

Now you are away and the problems are feeling ageless
You had to leave and you just left me underneath the surface

We had a deal and I told you you are the one that can make me feel
I often find myself missing your touch and inside I have been hurting so much
You slept on my arm and it was enough, but now they make a big fuss
Now I have cuts and a bunch of rust and I am stuck under the bus

Everyday I try hard to relax and I try to see life beyond the facts
They shout and I feel empty, feels like I am being attacked
I feel the bad memories are back I just have a giant crack
I am sorry for the things I said but I have so many regrets to pay

I try to tell you my story on paper and act like a sailor
I am open up and broken apart from these past events
Talking to my creator in the dark so my voice can make some sense
I try to be happy but I fail the test, I vent and sail away to give you my 2 cents

I try to smile through my screen but it hurts and it can’t be seen
I miss your voice but I cry cause I have no choice and I am lost in the noise
You glued my broken pieces together but now I am awfully bitter
I haven’t wrote in very long cause the burden is very strong

Sorry my parents are selfish, they took you in and I was the one who dealt with
Sorry no one gave you time but me; so sorry they let you flee like a dream
My sorrow is as big as the sea and I say sorry cause you are the one for me
Sorry that my family faked it sorry I was fading and sorry I couldn’t embrace it

I am sorry I wasn’t up to your expectations I am sorry for the relation
Sorry I would scream every night then we would sleep through the light
Sorry I was greedy, sorry my love was needy and my mind wasn’t right
Sorry I took you for granted sorry wont make things enchanted

I seem to be undertaken by sadness I seem to be crying from my madness
I struggle and I feel stranded, deserted and a whole lot of vastness
This pressure got me feeling manic my situation got me feeling tragic
I feel free when I write but then I die and the air is tight like a classic

I juggle a lot between my emotions and my brain
My thoughts are draining me and my health is in vain
My entire existents is in flames and there is so much I can’t attain
I thought you knew but you left like it was something new 

You meant everything to my soul and my life you are someone for me
My life is like a killing spree when you decided to run away from me
You are my dream, my passion and my entire tree
I cried over you, I still do, and you left in a breeze

Sometimes I am sad and sometimes I want to buy happy
Sometimes I can see the crakes and I am surrounded by the ugly
All this hopeless and you did not care even when you were under me
Lately I forgot how to smile and I do not like me

The nights got me in my feelings and the day got me sleeping
I write, I write, and I spill my guts while my head is bleeding 

I got memories I’d like to see them again and start believing
They ignore me and leave me on seen, and then wonder why I am leaving

Remember the times we use to spend together playing 

Remember the nights you use to sleep better laying
Remember the dreams you were chasing
Now you are gone and everything is not that amazing

You were my savior like my paper but you left later
You were my love and we did stuff, and I was for you full of love
Look at me crying on the Internet and I am wide shut
You are with someone and I am dying because I am not the one

Nutella you will be forever in my heart ❤

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