BLOG11- Sad Hours...

Sad Hours...

I have always been a storyteller 

And what happened that got stuck with me forever 

Everyone has a story to tell including myself 

It hunts me to think that you are with someone else 

I wrote so many letters but then I never sent them ever  

I felt in love with you and your culture 

I felt in love with you and your aunt sisters

I felt in love with you but my heart you sever 

I gave you my heart out to you and you let it bleed 

I was stupid for thinking that you could carry my seed 

I showed you my soul but you chose to leave 

But you told me you are a different bread 

Every memory with you is coming back 

I swear on my soul I am having panic attacks

I sit for days in front of my computer checking the facts 

To see if you are checking my social media back 

I had feelings for you what happened to forever 

You left me and my heart was left without a shelter 

I am up at night worrying about my tears and my fears 

And you just went ahead and switched your gears 

How am I suppose to live now if we can’t be together 

How am I suppose to live now when I am crushed by the pressure   

Whenever I am feeling better the pain resurface from within   

I’ve spent valuable time with you but that was a sin 

Have you ever felt your soul crack?  


Looking back at everything we had 

I thought I was on the right track 

But everything was black and my lifeline was flat 

Sitting in my room writing on my phone like that 

And my demons look at me from the rack  

Waiting for me and playing my soundtrack  


At night faith is what I lack and you and I couldn’t be back 

All I have are flashbacks and so many heart attacks   


Tell me how do you feel now after what you’ve done

Are you happy with the one? 

What goes around comes back around so have fun 

Alone writing in my room listening to sad tunes   


Everyone is asleep while I’m alone in my tomb 


Scrolling through Instagram and feeling like shit 


Everyday I blame myself I exist in the mist  


I die each day and think I am alone, like what is this 


I just keep on writing like I have the urge and I can’t resist 

I am confused, will I die and my thoughts are infused

Or will I live perplexed and be mentally abused     


Listening to the beat writing till my hurt I reintroduce 


I lost hope in this place looking for faith and I am a recluse 


Don't know if I should pray or stay safe


After that I told myself there is nothing to lose 

Don't know what to do in this life there is no ending 


It feels like the death sentence is pending  

Rehearsing and practicing regarding of where I stand 


Every night I sit in my room and just write on my pad 

Like am I lost or is it I am just sad  

On my pad with my pain and pen and paper


Nothing can compare to my life sheet, it's like bye I’ll see you later 


Every day I sit in front of my computer just waiting for a savior  

I am sick and I scream like what is this 


I need help I feel lost I need to find myself but I drift 

Driving in the middle of the night empty and lost 

I thrive to be the best nothing's wrong and it's not my fault  


My pen and pad and my paper is all what I need 

Nothing comperes to the ink that I bleed 

God I'm down on my knees praying for my life to keep 

Let me hear your voice so I can fall asleep

Look at me and I'll say that I'm dealing with depression

Looking for a sign with all these problems I have in multiple sections 

Every day I stress been in bed writing what I have felt 

Same routine and I shout in distress and the hurt I have dealt

And the tears I have shed 

And the agony I've withheld

I feel like I'm going flat but I am already dead 

In this game and the sorrow I have to reflect

What I see is all grays and no colors of the rain  

I have been running around and going insane

Everything is lame and I can't be the only one to blame 

Been searching for the colors of the rainbow but nothing remains  

There is a big lump on my chest

Let me kill myself and put it to rest 

Forgive me for my honesty and for everything I have said 

Been on the verge and my love they have awfully left 

Forgive me for my honesty and for everything I have said 

I'm just lost and I don’t mean to make you upset

But I spilled my heart on the edge and nothing has been changed

I pray to God but I wish at this moment I could just fade  

©